Random Thoughts on Man and Woman Relationships
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HIS AND HERS ROAD TRIP
HERS
1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
2. Opens window.
3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.
4. Arrives at destination presently.
HIS
1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
3. Drives an extra five miles just in case.
4. Finally rolls down window.
5. Hocks a loogie.
6. Pulls up to a 7-Eleven.
7. Gets three hot dogs, a large Slurpee and beef jerky.
8. Asks foreigner behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
9. Gets back into car.
10. Farts, after he closes the door.
11. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-Eleven.
12. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because the pimply 17-year-old 7-Eleven cashier said it was.
13. Almost hits a deer.
14. Curses the night.
15. Curses you.
16. Curses the large Slurpee.
17. Stops by the side of the road.
18 Takes a leak.
19. Still taking a leak.
20. Almost done...I think.
21. Returns to car.
22. Drives and fiddles with radio.
23. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
24. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
25. He hates your sister, ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
26. He had to look up pernicious.
27. Couldn't find a dictionary.
28. Finally found a dictionary.
29. Couldn't spell pernicious.
30. Seethes at the memory of it all.
31. But she is laughing inside.
32. And of course you're still lost.
3 comments:
I love those random thoughts! lmao!
this is funny.
ha ha, funny! So novacaine reaction: for me she injected it right into my blood vessel and the epinephrine that's in it causes ringing in the ears, lightheadness, heart racing. I had all that! Everything seemed to go quiet to. It was kinda scary! It passed after a few minutes and everything was ok. What made me mad is she just blew it off as "nervousness" and blood pressure dropping. I knew it wasn't that because my pt's at work will get the same reaction of their epidural is accidentally placed in a blood vessel.
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